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15 reasons why public transport is the bane of my life

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  1. People who look like they’re on their way to hell- Why is it that at 7am every morning, everybody is sat on the train like they’re sat at a funeral. It almost makes me feel guilty if I get on the train with a smile on my face. Oh and it is silent, as in dead silent. I feel like I am literally on a ghost train full of zombies.
  2. Loud music– This angers Especially when I am trying to read in order to enjoy a nice pleasant train journey. I don’t really want the sound of squeaky house music in my right ear coming from a chav in cheap earphones. Not only does it get on my damn nerves but I spend the whole train journey trying to give them “the eyes” so they TURN IT DOWN. Sometimes I even mouth the words if I recognise the song so they realise how flipping loud it is.
  3. Talking loudly on the phone– Hello? HELLO? HELLO ARE YOU THERE. Oh please shut up. Not only did I jump out of my skin as your ringtone blasted out on the ghost train, but now your irritating voice is screaming for the whole train to hear. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could hear what they were saying on the other end of the phone instead of half a conversation, but if I can’t eavesdrop then I don’t want to hear it.
  4. Seat hogging– If I am lucky enough to get a seat on the train then I like to at least be as comfortable as possible. However I regularly have to deal with people who manage to sit on one and a half seats. So I get a brilliant train journey with one bum cheek hovering off the end of the seat as I pray the train makes no sudden movements so I don’t completely fall on my arse.
  5. Smelly food– I had to bring this one up to shame the people who eat such strong-smelling food on the train. God knows why at 7am people are eating tuna or leftover curry. As the carriage soon reeks of it, I nearly pass out from holding my breath for the whole journey.
  6. The chosen one– Sometimes I don’t know whether to be flattered or just aggravated, but when you’re sat on a pretty much empty train (rare as it may be) and you’re sat on your own. Somehow out of ALL the empty seats, someone comes along and sits next to you. Please, let’s take advantage of this empty train and utilise our personal space
  7. Reliability– Sometimes I wonder if there should even be a train timetable, because when are they ever on time? The slightest possible issue will cause mass cancellation for hours. Rain, snow, fog and even leaves falling off the trees. The tiniest change in forecast and THE WHOLE TRAVEL SYSTEM shuts down. It’s 2014 for god’s sake, sort it out.
  8. Personal hygiene– Similarly to the smelly food, there should be a rule that you should have a shower before using public transport. There is nothing worse than someone sitting next to you who reeks. We are all guilty of getting off the train and running to another carriage before the doors shut in order to move seats without looking rude.
  9. The sardine situation– No this isn’t about smelly fish again, I’m talking about the constant lack of seats and even the lack of train carriages. Sorry but I do not pay ridiculous prices to be squished up against the train door with a thousand other people in my personal space like a tin of sardines.
  10. Bringing dogs on the train– It’s just a straight up no from me.
  11. Bikes– Sometimes I genuinely question if people are just full on mad when they actually consider bringing a bike onto a rush hour train. Not only does it take up humongous amounts of room, but people with bikes suddenly think they have priority of getting off the train first and taking about ten minutes to manoeuvre it off the train.
  12. Coughing– Now I understand that people can’t help being ill but if you’re going to cough on a packed train please at least cough into a tissue. If you don’t you’ll have to accept the fact that everyone will hate you for the remainder of the journey.
  13. Kids– I love kids but please keep control of them, unlike the time I got both a child and their mouldy banana on my lap when on the way to a party. I was highly conscious that I smelt of banana all night.
  14. Shopping bags– If you’re lucky enough to have a thousand shopping bags on the train then at least use the overhead storage or stand up with your bags instead of taking up a valuable seat with them. I once witnessed a man refuse to move his shopping bags off the chair and as a result of this he happily paid for a train ticket from the ticket man just for his bags.
  15. Lovers– I am not, and will never be a fan of PDA. The train is a small space so I don’t really want to witness couples eating each other’s faces merely a metre away from me.

Obviously I am grateful to be able to get to college quickly by using the train but it can drive me absolutely mad. One day I might consider writing a “train etiquette” handbook so we can all travel in peace and happiness.

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